Highmoon's Ponderings

It’s been one month since Mom passed away, and today, 1 month since we, I, buried her. It’s been easy sometimes then really hard at others; there’s nothing in between those two. I’ve days when I can look at her pictures and smile and feel great, then I’ve others when a mere passing thought can topple me down like so much rubble. I assume, and I’m told, this is normal; this too shall pass. I continue to say Kaddish for her, and little by little things will normalize. So here’s to 1 month, and to the elevation of her soul. I love you, Mom.

I’m starting a new feature on my blog called the Project Roundup.

I keep a handful of blogs on different subjects. Before, I would have them syndicate that content here into this blog as a way of making Highmoon’s Pondering an all-things-me clearing house. Problem is, I find that tactic ends up diluting this blog’s content. The Roundup is a way of keeping this blog a central info place for all the stuff I’m doing without the clutter of syndicated posts.

The Project Roundup will be done on a weekly to bi-weekly basis, depending on how much content there is on the other blogs.

Highmoon Games

• Now Supporting Pathfinder (8/23/09)
• Liber Sodalitas: The Dream Healers (Pathfinder edition) now available (8/24/09)
• Thoughts on Pathfinder (8/27/09)

The Gamer Traveler

• The Gamer Traveler Website Gets A Facelift (8/5/09)
• Not Going to #GenCon, But Still Almost There (8/8/09)

Miami Metblog

• Miami 21 – Round 2 (9/3/09)
• Miami 21 Passes First Reading! (9/6/09)
  

Slow Bike Miami

• We’re Now SlowBikeMiami.com (8/27/09)
• BikeTown Miami (8/27/09)
• New Bike Store in Miami Beach: Federal Bike Depot (8/30/09)
• Two Awesome Bicycle T-Shirts (9/1/09)
• Copenhagenize vs Amsterdamize Slow Bicycle Race (9/3/09)
• What Is Slow Bicycling? (9/6/09)

Due to dealing with family issues that had me spending a lot of time in Puerto Rico, I’ve not been on the bike almost at all this year (attending the last Bike Miami Days in May being the big exception). That changes today.

I’m heading out now to Bayfront Park in Downtown Miami to attend BikeTown Miami, sponsored by Bicycling Magazine and the City of Miami. Bikes will be given out and raffled, and we’ll celebrate biking in the city. I only wish (so fervently) that my wife was coming along.

I’ll post a review of the event later on. Now, it’s back on the bike again!

It’s been 18 days since Mom passed away and little over a week since I came back home to Miami. I’ve put off blogging on any of my various blogs because, well, just because. The only thing I’ve done is be on Twitter and do some stuff for Highmoon Games, mostly so I could keep busy and thus not think. It’s only been partially successful.

I wanted my next post after the announcement of Mom’s passing to be an eulogy, perhaps the one I wasn’t able to fully articulate at the burial (I am a writer, not an orator), but even though I’ve composed parts of it in my head, I can’t bring myself to write it, not yet. Heck, I haven’t even written in my pen-on-paper journal for the same reason.

That said, I need to start working towards establishing a sense of daily life, of normalcy, again. I’m not done healing, I don’t know when, or if, I will, but life doesn’t stop because of that, and Mom would have been the first to tell me to start taking things one step at a time. Engaging with people via email, Facebook and Twitter was the first step; working on Highmoon Games was the second step; this is the next.

I’m reopening my blog. There’s things going on that I’d like to talk about, things I’d like to share. Some may even be frivolous. My fear was that a cycling/gaming/travel/etc. post right after the one from August 8 would make it all seem trivial (and understand, this is my own insecurity talking). I guess that’s one reason why I’m writing this one, as a buffer zone.

I may yet write the eulogy for Mom and post it when I’m finally able.

Thanks to every single person that is around me to hold my hand if/when I falter. Especially my wife, because I can’t imagine going through this without her.

Ready for the next step.

It is with a heavy heart that I let everyone know that my Mother, Wanda I. Robles Ortiz, passed away today Saturday, August 8th, 2009, her birthday, at 3:00 AM in the morning. She was 56 years old.

I cannot find enough words to celebrate my Mother. Suffice to say she was the noblest person I’ve ever known and I learned so much from her. Indeed, all I am is thanks to her. I will miss her, but I know she is in a far better place.

My thanks to everyone who throughout this year has sent good wishes and prayers our way. I know they had an effect, and I know they will continue to do so.

As of Tuesday I’ve been back in Miami for a week and just now is when I’m finally starting to get back into the groove of daily life. I spent almost two months in Puerto Rico, and that completely threw me for a loop, especially once I got back home. The first couple of days I was walking around in a daze, almost seeing everything as if for the first time, or as if from a previous life. I’m very thankful to my wife who put up with me during this readjustment period.

Since being back I have filled out and submitted my application to re-enter FIU as part of the School of Nursing. I had to take care of a couple of things, but all’s well and good now and I simply wait for their answer. I’m hoping I’ll be able to take a class or two this semester, but if not, I then start full tilt come January. I’m very excited about this, I cannot wait to get started. I’ve had a couple of moments where I doubt myself, start to panic about what I’m about to undertake, feel my resolution waning, but I just push it all away and continue forward.

As for Mom, she’s at my aunt’s house and under hospice care. I have only praises for the care she’s getting from her hospice; the nurses come daily and punctually, treat her well and are not condescending with anyone in the house, take great care of her and attend to all her needs. She’s fairly stable, but she’s weak, and suffers from cycles of dizzyness and vomiting that sometimes render her little more than a sleeping machine. When I talk to her on the phone I can usually tell how she’s doing and though earlier this week she was a bit delicate, today she sounded a little stronger. At least the pain is not bothering her. The best way to sum it up is, she’s as well as can be expected given her condition, but we take things one day at a time.

Saturday, August 8th, is her 56th birthday. If you’d like to leave her a birthday wish on her Facebook page, click on the badge below and go ahead. I’ll be checking the account to approve any new friend request.

Wanda I. Robles | Create Your Badge